A Best Friend Will
by Dea de Verum
Summary: A good friend will do this, but what will a best friend do? Celebrating friendship in the Harry Potter realm! Funny one-shots that will make you laugh so hard! Hilarious! READ AND REVIEW OR I'll SEND FRED AND GEORGE TO GET YOU!
1. Mauraders

Sup everyone! Anyway, I found this awesomely cool website the other day with a bunch of friendship quotes that just made me think of Harry Potter. So just kick back, relax, and enjoy! Please review and I will love you forever!

**Disclaimer:** I did not create the most awesome book series ever written written by the goddess JK Rowling for her divine creation. If I did, I would be rich instead of broke (never mind, I just discover a quarter in my pocket)

**Good friends stop you from doing stupid things. A best friend won't let you do it alone.**

"James, you're an idiot!" Cried Frank Longbottom.

Everyone around him murmured in agreement.

"I'm still going to do it." Said James.

"She'll kill you!"

"Don't care. I will die if she won't be my date again."

James stalked away from everyone angrily.

"So, are we going to let him do this alone?" Remus asked Siruis.

Sirius had a wicked smile on his face. "Hell no."

_**THE NEXT DAY…….AND YES, YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OUT OF YOUR WITS……..**_

It seemed to be a pretty normal day at Hogwarts, until lunch. Well, Peeves had put Mrs. Norris in a chandelier this morning, but no one really cared except Filtch.

Everyone was talking until a giant "BOOM" shook the great hall. Where the teachers were was now a giant stage with flashing lights and smoke. James Potter emerged from the smoke wearing what people would call a classic "rock and roll" outfit along with Sirius and Remus. (The outfits were so horrible that I cannot possibly describe them without scaring you for life). Music started and James, Remus, and Sirius grabbed their microphones.

"_Oh Lily oh sweet precious Lily, why won't you go out with me? _

_Oh Lily oh sweet precious Lily, why won't you go out with me? _ sang James loudly.

_Oh why? Oh why? Oh why? Why why why why why why why..? _sang Remus and Sirius in the background.

Since the marauders lacked any sort of musical talent, all they could do was sing those lines over and over again until their voices gave out.

The song finished and everyone burst into wild applause (not for their talent, but for the guts to embarrass the one and only beautiful but scary Lily Evans).

"So Lily, will you go out with me to Hogsmeade this weekend?" asked James hopefully.

Needless to say, all three boys missed the weekend to being unconscious in the hospital wing.

**So what did yah think? Is it good? Should I consider writing more? Or should I be working on my application to McDonald's? Just press that little button right over here. I know you want to.**


	2. James and Sirius

Sup everyone! Anyway, I found this awesomely cool website the other day with a bunch of friendship quotes that just made me think of Harry Potter. So just kick back, relax, and enjoy! Please review and I will love you forever!

**Disclaimer:** I did not create the most awesome book series ever written and worship the goddess JK Rowling for her divine creation. If I did, I would be rich instead of broke (never mind, I just discover a quarter in my pocket)

**A good friend will bail you out of the jail. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, "That was fun! Let's do it again!"**

Professor Dumbledore signed. What on earth had they done this time? Clogged the toilets? Pranked Snape in some horrible way? That was for more likely, the poor boy was always being terrorized by the Marauders because of his friendship with Lily.

He stared at them waiting for them to talk. Finally he said, "What have you done this time?"

The boys flashed secretive smiles at each other, but Dumbledore caught them, but still the boys hadn't spoken.

"Fine, you two can sit here while I go get some lemon drops." Dumbledore quickly walked out of the room to get away from them. He really didn't want to hear why they were there in the first place. All he knew is that Minerva sent them to his study for the fifth time this week.

As soon as Dumbledore was out of earshot the two boys burst into laughter.

"OH MY GOD!" Screamed Sirius as the top of his lungs, tearing streaming down his face. James was laughing harder.

"Are you serious?"  
"No, I'm Sirius!" yelled Sirius.

"I thought we would be dead!"

"Toast!"

"Is this all we get?"

"For doing that to McGonagall?"

"She looked like she was going to kill us!"

"If looks could kill, we would both be in our graves!"

"I can't believe her face when she walked into that classroom."

"Priceless!"

"Her underwear on the ceiling! Our best idea yet!"

They continued laughing until they were out of breath. James looked up with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"What?" said Sirius?

"I don't see Dumbledore, and I see the door to his room."

Sirius smiled and the two ran to go embarrass the headmaster.

**Funny? Sweet? Should I continue it? Should I give up my dream of actually getting a review? I will only know if you press the little button down there. **


	3. Harry and Ron

**And a note to everyone. Sorry about not updating, I have been extremely busy with breaking a leg (3****rd**** time in the year of 2009) due to slide tackling a girl during a soccer game. Due to that, I was on painkillers and then surgery. I now have a titanium rod in my leg. Isn't that COOOLLLLLLL! **

** Never mind, on with the oneshots. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter unless JK is going to give me a huge present. (The copyrights and the money? SWEET!) **

**A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.**

"Hey Potter, like the new biography." Yelled some random guy at the Ministry.

Harry ignored the man. Everyone was talking about that stupid new biography evaluating his life by Rita Skeeter. Harry just ignored it, it was one of the many books that had come out since his defeat of Voldemort. And now even more articles, books, and discussions were coming out ever since his engagement to Ginny. Apparently many girls were heartbroken over this. After the public announcement he received about 10 howlers from parents and friends of girls whose hearts he broke (their words not his) and how he is a selfish bastard.

Then to his shock he received a letter from St. Mungos saying that 50 girls have been hospitalized for shock due to the announcement and that most of the parents were expecting him to pay for it. When he brought it home George would not stop teasing him about it and how hilarious it was. In response George received a very nasty Bat-Bogey Hex from Ginny and his tongue stuck to the top of his mouth from Harry. He spent one part of the evening making rude signs and the two of them and the other part avoiding Mrs. Weasely for doing that.

Harry was silently laughing at the memory of Mrs. Weaselsy chasing George around the burrow with a soapy frying pan. That would be going on the Christmas card.

Harry spent the morning doing paperwork for an upcoming trial. This part of the job he hated, mainly because he had to deal with the defense lawyers who were trying to get the Death Eaters that Harry spent months tracking down free. He wanted to set an angry Hungarian Horntail on them and watch them deal with it. HA! The image sent him laughing.

By noon he had finished the paperwork and headed down to the courtroom to give his testimony. After dealing with the damn defense lawyer who twisted every word he said, he headed to the Weasly's for dinner.

Some of the people in the atrium were giving him weird looks and whispering behind his back. Harry was annoyed more than ever. All day people had been giving him weird looks and whispering with their friends.

Harry apparated just outside the burrow and let himself in the house. At this point he had been their son for years; marrying Ginny wouldn't change his relationship with Mr. and Mrs. Weaselsy.

Mrs. Weasely greeted him warmly at the door.

"Cup of tea dear?"

"Thanks Mrs. Weasely."

Ginny appeared and gave Harry a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down on the table, grinning widely. Harry had a bad feeling about this. Ginny had her, "I-know-something-about-you-that-you-probably-don't-me-to-know-that-is-really-embarssing-or-stupid" look on her face.

Ginny began to tell Harry about her next game that she was going to play against the Tornados next week and how the whole family was coming. Harry was barely listening, try to figure out what Ginny was smiling about.

"Oh yeah, did you hear that new biography that came out today about you?" asked Ginny.

"You mean the one by Rita Skeeter?"

"No the other one."

Harry spewed tea all over Ginny in surprise. She yelped up in surprised with a choice of special swear words that she usually used for her opponents. After cleaning herself up and Harry stopped sputtering in surprise she sat back down again.

"Yeah, I bought a copy. It was hilarious."

"You mean like they painted me as a hero that doesn't sound like me or I staged Voldemort's death for media attention."

Ginny smirked. "Actually, it was more personal. It was a collection of things that people didn't know about you, even things I didn't know about. Like the time you and Ron got drunk and ended up in Bulgaria trying to apparate across the world." Ginny continued, watching Harry's response. "My personal favorite when someone put a love potion in your lunch at the leaky caldron and you decorated your entire office in pink and the picture of the girl who put the love potion in your drink, ahh, what was her name, oh yeah, Hannah Smith all across the wall."

Ginny enjoyed watching Harry's face drain of all color and then turn bright red.  
"Hooww didd annyoyne find out?" stuttered Harry. He couldn't think of anyone who could have found any of this out. Ron and Harry decided not to talk about the drunken trip to Bulgaria for the sake of their own skin. Hermione and Mrs. Weasely would have killed them if they found out.

Ginny's eyes were twinkling with laughter. "The book did not have a known author. It was just signed as someone who knew Harry Potter really well."

Harry's mind was whirling just as Ron walked in.

"How'd you like the new biography mate?" he asked.  
"_You _wrote it." Gasped Harry.

"Of course mate. Now that you're marrying my sister, I think it would be better if the world new the other side of you so now all those crazy girls in St. Mungo won't want you anymore."

Ron and Ginny were laughing, but Harry was in shock. Of course Ron knew all those things about him. But then again, Harry new a lot of things about Ron that he was sure that Ron wouldn't want Hermione to know.

Ron was going to pay _big time _for this prank.

* * *

**So what did yah all think? Can you review? Please? It would make my day? Do it for the girl who just had surgery on her leg that really hurt. And I mean it hurt. I had to stay overnight in the hospital for morphine. And even after that my leg still hurt like hell. So be nice to the poor girl and review. She knows you want to.**


	4. Twins and Ginny

**Enjoy the next one-shot, please review, and as a note, family is the best friend one could have. **

**Disclaimer: Did I say I owned it? No, I don't, so why don't all you lawyers go to Hell.**

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………**.**

**A good friend will be there when you cry. A best friend will have already killed the person who made you cry.**

The nerve of him, that idiot! How dare he get mad at her for winning the game! The stupid, stupid bastard!

Hot tears spilled down Ginny's cheeks. She really thought that Michael was better than this. To yell and get mad at her for catching the snitch and winning the game for her house is bad? It was a game, not the end of the world. There was always next year!

Ginny really wished that Hermione was here, but she was never good at comforting. She would probably say something that would make her cry even more. Like how she still really liked Harry. That would just make her feel worse knowing that Harry liked Cho, even after the disastrous Hogsmeade date that Hermione told her about.

After all, it was Ginny who broke up with him. She didn't want to be with a guy like Michael. But it was still sad to her. It was her first boyfriend, and now her first break-up. No matter what, it was hard.

Ginny didn't know how long it was before Fred and George showed up.

"Hey little sis, are you coming to join the party." Asked Fred.

"No, I'm not."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Well then George oh chap, I guess we will have to go alone and pick out our sisters new boyfriend, make sure that she picks out a better one."

Ginny snorted, startled. "How did you know that I broke up with Michael?"

"Ginny, you have Mum's lungs. We could hear you across the Quiddich field. But don't worry, we already took care of that loser." Both of the boys said with a mischievous twinkle in their eyes.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is why boys have always been careful about dating Ginny Weasely ever since.

**So what did yah think? Please REVIEW!!!! OR FRED AND GEORGE WILL GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	5. Hermione and Harry

**A good friend will leave you hanging if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.**

The Wizard Association of War Heroes was a very prestigious society to be invited into. It was formed by the Ministry to honor those who had fought in any war. So of course the Golden Trio was inducted in less than a month after the defeat of Voldemort much to the delight of the Wizarding World.

Harry Potter left his apartment for the next meeting with the WAWH. He quickly apparated there just in time. He arrived in the meeting room and looked around. Hermione wasn't here yet. Ron wouldn't be here. He was currently in Romania helping Charlie out with some of the dragons that Voldemort had kept. And man, they were vicious. Ron was coming home tomorrow to get away from the scary animals who seemed to recognize that he had something to do with their masters downfall.

"Good evening Mr. Potter." Greeted Mr. White, who was president of the Association. "Now let us get started." He sat down at the head of the table.

"Excuse me." Said Harry. "But Hermione isn't here yet. Shouldn't we wait?"

A lot of the members snorted. "No Mr. Potter. After Miss Grangers interruption of last week she will no longer be invited to the meetings."

Harry was confused. Hermione suggested that instead of spending the budget last week on an expensive place for their annual fundraiser to raise money for war repair that they get a cheaper place and use magic to liven it up.

"What was wrong with her suggestion?" he asked.

Mr. White shook his head like Harry was a small child who did not understand not to take the cookies out of the cookie jar. "Miss Granger was annoying, rude, and threatened our operation."

"What operation? She wanted to make even more of a profit to help rebuild Hogwarts after the Battle happened."

"The goal of the fundraiser is not for the money. It is a society event to show how prestigious the Association is and honor War heroes."

"So she is no longer in this?" asked Harry stunned.

"No, she is a war hero and if we force her out the Prophet will slam us and the rest of the Wizarding World. No, she will just come for public appearance and stay on the roster.

Harry sat there, fuming about this. They wanted to leave Hermione out of this! Well fine then.

* * *

_**Daily Prophet Extra!**_

_**Harry Potter Quits WAWH and Slams it for Hypocrisy! **_

_**READ FULL STORY!! **_

_**War Heroes Ronald Weasely and Hermione Granger Rumored to Quit As Well!**_

_**President White Denies Everything!**_

"Harry, you know you really didn't have to do this. This will cause a huge scandal." Remarked Hermione as she sipped her tea.

The Golden Trio sat the Burrow in the late morning looking at the Daily Prophet. Harry went to the Daily Prophet last night and talked to a couple of reporters who were more than willing to report his opinion and have it make the morning addition.

"That's what they get for dealing with my best friend."

"Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?" complained Ron.

"To the dragons you are. I heard they love liver."

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	6. Lily and Alice

**So, after only a couple of hours of posting the second chapter I got my first reviews for this set of one-shots! I am so ecstatic! So I now have the inspiration to write another one only a couple of hours later! I wonder if this is the most updates in one day. Nah. How about I just stop talking and start telling the story?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Only in my dreams (but we won't get into that!)**

_**A good friend will watch your pets when you go away. A best friend won't let you go away.**_

"James, are you all packed?" called Lily from the living room.

"Yeah, I am almost finished. Is everything else taken care of?" called back James from the bedroom.

Lily jumped. "OMG! I forgot to ask Alice to take care of the cat!"

"So what are we going to do about it?" yelled James, "We have to leave in an hour!"

"I'm going to go floo over to her house!" cried Lily, grabbing floo powder and jumping into the fireplace. "Longbottom's Place!" she cried as she threw the floo powder to the ground.

Alice's living room spun into view. Lily stumbled out and tripped over the umbrella stand that Frank liked to keep by the fireplace. Why he did Lily had no idea. Maybe he found it funny that every time Lily came over she would trip over it and swear in very colorful language. Or he was just being Frank. Lily really didn't want to know. After all, it was Alice who married him.

After Lily's big entrance Alice entered the room without any major collisions (Lily noted sadly). "So what is up with you Lily? Never mind, are you finally going to kill the umbrella stand with your _interesting_ vocabulary?" smirked Alice.

Lily grimaced. She did have a big vocabulary when it came to curses. "Well, actually I was wondering if you could watch the kitten while James went on vacation?"

"VACTION! ! YOU CAN'T GO ON VACATION! I WOULD DIE WITHOUT SEEING YOU LILY! AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR LITTLE KITTEN! YOU JUST GOT HER THIS WEEK! YOU CAN'T LEAVE SUCH A SMALL LILTTLE BABY ALL ALONE IN THE HOUSE!" Cried Alice.

"But Alice…" started Lily.

"LILY" Screamed Alice, "IF YOU LEAVE YOU WILL PAY FOR LEAVING ME AND THE KITTEN!"

Much to James and Lily's disappointment, they ended up at St. Mungo's with Frank for a check on Alice's sanity.

**So what did you think? I thought this one was a little weird, but I definitely had fun writing it. So tell me what you think! Any friendship phrases you would like to see? And with who? And should I expand beyond the Maurader Era? I will only know if you review.**

**And special thanks to:**

**Silvereyed Angel**

**Soccermm**

**DistractedButSerious (Thanks for reviewing twice. You rock!)**

**JJ-000-JJ**


	7. Lavender and Parvati

_**I profusely apologize for not updating sooner. (or in other words SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY… goes on for another thousand times) I have no excuse, but I have been extremely busy with school, and I have finals coming up in two weeks, so I need to study. But enjoy, even if it is a little short.**_

_**Harry: There suppose to be short. They're a series of drabbles.**_

_**Dea de Verum: Well…**_

_**Hermione: Harry's right. They are meant to be short and for a good laugh. They are hilarious.**_

_**Ron: Hermione just said Harry was right? AHH! THE APOCOLYSE IS COMING!**_

'_**Hermione hits Ron over the head with a soapy frying pan she borrowed from Mrs. Weasely'**_

_**Dea de Verum (scared out of her wits and is regretting letting the golden trio near her): Hermione, put down the frying pan.**_

_**Hermione: Continue already! 'Waves frying pan at Dea de Verum' **_

_**Harry: Yeah! Friendship is important! And it's about us, right?**_

_**Dea de Verum: 'throws them the drabble before running off in fright to complete her Lord of the Rings story before the trio hunts her down'**_

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, " You will die in seven days..."

"I hate you!" Lavender screamed before turning around and running up the stairs. Her sobbed and screams echoed throughout the silent common room. People began to talk and mutter to each other at the new development. Lavender Brown broke up with Ron Weasely because she though that Ron was cheating on her with Hermione.

Ron looked totally bewildered at the statement. After all, she had broken up with him, not the other way around. Though he did think it was bloody brilliant to walk down the stairs from the boy's dormitories with Hermione and Harry under the indivisibility cloak.

Lavender threw herself on her bed and cried. Parvati was right behind her and just sat there, not saying anything.

Lavender finished her crying spree and sat up, wiping some leftover tears. Her entire face was tear streaked and her eyes puffy and read. Her bottom lip trembled as she threatened to begin crying again.

"You saw it?" she asked Parvati.

"Yes."

"It is so pathetic!" she cried, throwing herself on her bed again and breaking into a fresh wave of tears. "Why her! She's not even pretty! She's just a stupid-know it all!"**(Oxymoron anyone?) **"She's such a slut! She was with Victor Krum and then had that love triangle with Harry, and now is going after Ron!"

Parvati sighed. "I don't think it is Hermione. It's Ron. You need to get revenge."

"How?"

_**The very next day….**_

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were quietly eating their breakfast and trying to ignore all of the whispers, comments, and some dirty glares (mainly aimed at Hermione).

Suddenly a howler arrived right in front of Ron. He was too panicked to do anything, so it exploded and a strong, powerful voice said,

_**"YOU WILL DIE IN SEVEN DAYS!"**_

All looked in horror until they saw Lavender and Parvati cracking up in the corner.

**Yes, not my best, but review? And did anyone else notice the little rhymne at the end? **


	8. Herminone and Ginny

**It's been what, a year, two maybe since I updated? I suck I know. But I do have a final one that's perfect. I just want to make sure I exhaust all other ideas before I put that last one out. As always, I beg for a review! **

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you

Ginny sat thoroughly annoyed in the library. There was studying, studying, and did I mention, more studying to be done?

But to really be truthful, that wasn't what was really bothering her. She liked Harry and had just broken up with Dean, because Hermione said that Harry like her. But so far she had nothing. And she was pissed.

She wasn't the only one. Hermione was mad too. Matchmaking was hard, especially when you're dealing with your two best, hormonal, idiotic, stubborn friends.

Which is why it had come to this.

_Flashback_.

_Harry and Ron were playing Wizard Chess rather loud and obnoxiously in the common room. Hermione was watching and dropping hints. _

_"So Dean and Ginny broke up."_

_"Uh huh." Was the only response she got from Harry. She waited a moment looked directly at Harry (hoping that he would NOT be a guy and be clueless to the hint) before prompting…_

_"She likes this new guy." It got a reaction._

_"WHAT!" Ron yelled. "I'm going to kill him. Who is it, who is it? He better not go near my sister!" _

_Harry looked crestfallen instead of taking the bait. _

_Hermione ran out of patience. An angry Ron and a miserable Harry are not fun to deal with._

Ginny wondered why everyone was murmuring (rather loudly) throughout the library. She soon knew why.

A frazzled Hermione came around the corner levitating an unconscious Harry and plopped him down in the chair next to Ginny. Looking at Ginny's bewildered expression, she said,

"You don't want to know, but it's high time and mighty you to get your sorry act together! Now I'm going to go deal with you brother." She turned her heel and marched out of the library, leaving an unconscious Harry and Ginny with a wide smile.

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Send me your favorite pairing! And then I'll update.**


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